The Sound and The Fury, Part 1

Last night, Tim, Lesile, myself, and a multitude of others saw Cake and Arrested Development perform at William and Mary, a College named after the two biggest stars of the Glorious Revolution. Arrested Development, as most of you may know, had one big album in the early nineties then fell into obscurity. Well, obscurity found them and placed that at W&M. Their show was a combination of hip-hop beats, DJing, wild african dancing, old school Funk (ala Sly and the Family Stone), and mike problems. Apparently, Speech, the leader of the collective (which includes 19 members, some of which do not perform on stage), did not think he was getting anything out of his mike, and kept changing it.
AD did a lot of audience participation stuff, such as getting people to scream, repeating lyrics to certain songs, and various bodily movements. It made me think though, that if they wanted to, they could get the audience to do just about anything. Example:

Speech: Everybody say "heyyyyy!"
Everybody: "heyyyyy!"
Speech: "hoooooo!"
Everybody: "hooooo!"
Speech: Now bark like a dog!
Everybody: "Woof, woof woof"
Speech: I said bark like a dog!
Everybody: "Woof, woof woof"
Speech: Say "Kill the White Devil!"
Everybody: "Kill the white devil!"

And people wonder how Castro is still in power. The man has got ill rhymes, and the people feel his flow. For more on Cake's performance, tune in next time, when I post "The Sound and The Fury, Part 2"
[Click Here to Read More]

Thursday Night Stand Up

Doing anything tonight at 11:30? Forget going to sleep, come out to TDU and view some Late Night Stand Up comedy, featuring JMU's finest stand up comedians. Plus, I'll be there too! so, don't forget, 11:30 tonight. Thursday. April 22nd. It's gonna be a humdinger. [Click Here to Read More]

We ARE BUILDING A RELIGION

I'm wicked pissah excited. I just purchased my tickets for CAKE and Arrested Development, appearing LIVE at WIlliam and Mary this Sunday April 25th. If you haven't heard of Cake, then I feel for you, because you are missing out on music that is both awesome and kickass, a combination that is difficult to achieve. Although I'm getting reamed by Ticketmaster (with 9 dollars in "Processing" charges), I think it is worth it. So, if you're not going, go. We have a contingent going, so we may be able to accomadate your travel plans. but regardless, keep on livin that rock and roll lifestyle. [Click Here to Read More]

Call to Arms

If I ever sire a daughter, this is a list of boys' names that I will not let her date, fraternize, or engage in friendly conversation with. This is not a total list, but only a good starting place. They are as follows:

Gabe, Todd, Wayne, Kurt, Tyler, Dylan, Austin, Caleb, Jordan, Kyle, Brad.

So, if you want your soon to be sired son to date my soon to be sired daughter, avoid these names like SARS. [Click Here to Read More]

The Breeze's Response to my Rain Letter.

If you'll think back, I wrote a response letter to the The Breeze about rain's negative image. This was the Editorial Editor's response to my letter. Notice the inherent cleverness

I reviewed and read your letter to the editor, but, in light of recent
meteorlogical developments, feel that it is inappropriate to print. In all
seriousness, we were unable to print your letter due to space constraints,
but I want to assure you that the editors did review your letter. Thank you
for your submission and I encourage you to voice your opinion in the future.
[Click Here to Read More]

The Andre Agassi Postulate

Marty was right. Few theorem/postulates/laws in sports carry as much the Andre Agassi Postulate, evidenced most recently by the performance at this year's Masters. The Postulate is very simple:

1) Male sports star achieves great success and fame in a given sport, i.e., Tennis. He wins tournaments, receives millions of dollars in endorsement money, and garners the adoration of fans, both male and female.

2) Male sports star gets married, usually to an attractive blonde woman, i.e. Brooke Shields, after a much publicized relationship. He makes a statement about finding his true love, and states that his marriage will help him focus and improve his level of play.

3) Male Sports star's performance falls through the floor, into the basement, through the basement, and into the land of the mole people. He loses all the fans and the sports prowless, and is forced to make Canon Rebel Ti commercials to pay for his wife's lack of acting talent. In lieu of tennis, male sports star appears in Entertainment Weekly with his wife while vacationing in Africa, stating that he has never been happier.

4) Male Sports star and attractive blonde woman get a divorce, which directly leads to the male sports star refocusing on sports and again becoming the world's best.

Now, this postulate has afflicted many of the world's best athletes, most recently Tiger Woods. In fact, Tiger's performance in the game of golf has taken a sharp nosedive ever since he married the Swedish Nanny of Jesper Parnevick. For example, his game was atrocious at last year's PGA Championship because his wife cooked him dinner, and, failing to do an adequate job, gave him Food Posioning. Tiger has lost all focus and instinct in his game, and it is only a matter of time until step 4 comes around.

Do remember though, that these steps have to happen IN ORDER for the postulate to be proved true. For example, Phil Mickelson married an attractive blonde woman years before he was successful, thus negating her impact on his golf game. So remember crime stoppers, if you want to be the best at sports and get married, get married to a loyal unsuspecting woman well before you become a big time pro athlete. Otherwise, you'll end up like Tiger. and No One Wants That. [Click Here to Read More]

READ BELOW, THEN READ THIS.

Man, I just set up that website to sell shirts at, and its a giant rip off...I mean "South of the Border" style ripoff, complete with the giant Mexican dude. you have to pay 15 dollars base for them to make a shirt for you, and then "anything over that is profit!!!" So, you put together a cheap ass shirt, with my design, and I get 3 bucks? NO WAY. If you want a shirt of mine, give me 8 bucks, I'll make you one. that's the deal. I'll even buy your size. Allright, I'm getting off my soap box. [Click Here to Read More]

Have you ever?

Tommorow's new tshirt day, so if you see my standing conspicuously in front of a tour group, read my shirt and you'll know why. My printer messed up making it, but I think it looks good, so it becomes the newest shirt in the arensal.

Speaking of which, have you ever said "that's a funny shirt, where can I buy that, Bobby?" (for that is indeed what I am called). Now, at Free Ireland Designs, supported by Cafe Press, you can buy them. I have no idea how this site works, but Spencer recommended it. So if its a scam, blame him. Carry on. [Click Here to Read More]

Stop Popping The Collar!

An organization that I'm supporting. Stop it before it happens to you. [Click Here to Read More]

I'd like to tell you a story

I'd like to tell you a story. This is a story of a man who's had some special significance to me recently. We often forget about this person's precense, but he is always here for us, guarding us from the evil we do not see. Recently, a powerful and popular film was made about this man, and his story of selfless sacrifice to mankind was shown in graphic form. This man gives everything he has to people, but they do not truly realize how much he does. He fervently fights evil and the forces of darkness yet seeks no reward for the job he does. The status quo rejects him as an outcast and a madman, but he just keeps on keepin on. In fact, after seeing the movie, I was driven to go back and reread some of the literature about him, some of which is of antiquity. I think you know who this man is. And I bet you feel the same way about him as I do. So why don't we all say it in unison:

"Hellboy, thank you so much for all you do protecting us from the forces of Rasputin. We are truly indebted to you."

The End. [Click Here to Read More]

More whine, less cheese

I was bored and oddly motivated last week, so I wrote a response to a Breeze Editorial about the negative aspects of rain. They did not publish it, so it ends up here. Really, I haven't had time to put any thought or energy into any posts lately, so expect mo' better stuff in the future. Also, comedy show, thursday night april 22nd @ TDU. Me and 3 other guys will be there. should be good. Anyways, here's the rain letter to the editor:

Rain, simply put, is awesome. In the last issued of The Breeze, some coward named House Editorial called rain “unpleasant” and “snow’s ugly stepsister.” I believe it is time for your smear campaign to end.
First, rain is life personified; a gift from the heavens in tangible form. Rain nourishes and sustains the vegetables that we eat, and makes everything that lush, healthy color of green. Rain is the Gatorade of nature and life in general.
Now, is much more than the T-ball coach of life. Rain is also a nature mood enhancer. Ignoring all those people who say that rain makes them depressed (for they are only looking for an excuse to be gloomy), rain can make you feel alive and beautiful. Let us say, for example, that you are taking an evening walk with your special someone and it starts to pour cats and dogs. Do you run and seek shelter? Of course not. You and your significant other are drawn together to exalt in all that is life, beauty, and moisture.
In addition, your characterization of rain as snow’s “ugly stepsister” is right out wrong. Whenever snow falls from the sky, one knows that the temperature is BELOW FREEZING outside. Moreover, because we are in Harrisonburg, one knows that with the snow will come winds blowing at around six hundred miles per hour. Personally, I would rather get a little wet then freeze in an icy hurricane of torment.
We need less protection from the elements on campus, not more. Tear down all those bus stop canopies and replace them with slip and slides. In addition, the university should do major renovations to all academic buildings, so that every desk comes with a good view of the outdoors. It may also be a good idea to construct all new buildings on campus out of glass, so that the student body never feels separate from Mother Earth. Rain is good, so it is high time we start showing it the love it deserves.
[Click Here to Read More]

Stupid White Girls, or why I'm moving to Brazil

Right now, I'm working on some journal assignments in the computer lab. If you have yet to have to complete a journal assignment, its the equivalent of taking a pair of scissors, and, instead of using the scissors to cut out decorative shapes, you shove them into you thigh. I could have been working on them all along, but I've brought the self imposed anguish of procrastination on myself. Hooray.

So, Stupid White Girls. They're everywhere. Most of you know how I feel about this breed, so I'll spare you the discourse. My most recent encounter with Stupid White Girls was here in the computer lab. Long ago, someone much wiser than I realized that if enough people brought food and drink into the computer lab, something will spill and damage the computers. No one purposely does this, but people make mistakes. So, because the computer lab people know that many people carry around those measured water bottles (because, of course, you NEED to know how much water you're putting in), they place a handy table at the other side of the lab away from the computers, so one can still have their beverages, the computers stay working, and the Smurfs defeat Gargamel. So, when the lab tech came in and nicely asked that they take their beverages over to aforementioned table, they responded with an audible huff and the words "if i'd wanted my drink over there, I would have put it there, a**hole." These words were conveniently said after the lab tech had left the room. So, apparently these stupid white girls (a) cannot read the many signs posted around the lab, or (b) feel the rules do not apply to them, in either case I'd ask that they stop talking and let me do my work. My problem is the fact that she felt she needed to call him an a^^hole. Does that make her feel better about the 12 foot voyage to and from her beverage that she had to embark on? One can't be sure.

Now, let me be perfectly fuzzy. Most girls do not fit into the category of stupid white girls. so don't go getting your Feminist Nazi friend on me because I'm a he-man woman hater. The fact that I'm a he-man woman hater has nothing to do with stupid white girls. It's just a good group of guys, and the membership is down right now, so I'm staying with it until we can get back to a good membership base.

If you feel you've encountered stupid white girls, feel free to voice your opinions in a manner of your choosing. The more we get educated, the more we can stop these people before they reproduce. [Click Here to Read More]