I Saw Johnny Depp at the Denver Airport

“Yes indeed,” I said to myself. “That's Johnny 21 fricking Jump Street Depp.”

"Just to be sure, did I actually just see Johnny Depp? Let’s run through the evidence: Looked like him. Tattered Viper Room jacket. Engaged yet aloof look. Yes, I’m quite positive that was Johnny Depp."

Here's how it happened: I was walking one way on the moving sidewalk (I genuinely enjoy the moving sidewalk experience because for those brief moments, I feel like I have super powers. Yes, that’s right people on the non-moving walkway next to me, I can effortlessly glide at blazing speeds compared to you) while Johnny Depp leaned against the railing going the opposite direction. Reaching the end of my sidewalk, I immediately boarded the adjacent moving sidewalk and began moseying in the direction of the star of such films as Edward Scissorhands, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Once Upon A Time in Mexico.

While other questions entered my mind (most were combinations of “Johnny Depp,” “Denver” and “What the Hell”), one caused me to stop my moseying about 10 yards away from contact: What do I really need to say to Johnny Depp? I like some his movies, but beyond “Hey, man, you were awesome in Fear and Loathing,” I’ve really got nothing to work with here.

Thankfully, I resisted the urge to approach Johnny Depp and say the above sentence, but the question still lingers with me: Is there something I really need to say to Johnny Depp? Just because he sometimes enters my television certainly does not make him my friend; nor does it make it acceptable for me to walk up to him and start talking. We’re total strangers. Unless he drops something or needs prompt medical attention from someone with minimal Red Cross training, making contact with him would just be weird. Really weird.

I know that some people wouldn’t make the choice that I did; they’d go up to him, say “You’re Johnny Depp! I see you on my TV! I know it’s you! I LOVE YOU,” and ask him for a picture. I’m no Johnny Depp-ologist, but I imagine that having random strangers approach you while at the Denver airport would not be on your list of fun things to do for the day.

It’s not that we’re too small or insignificant to interact with Johnny Depp; it’s just the opposite. I worry that some people think they’re so special or important that they feel like they have some right to disturb someone they’ve never met just to tell them something; that Johnny Depp NEEDS to hear what they have to say. They may think “I must tell Johnny Depp how good he is, because otherwise, he may not know.”

Worse yet, they would probably be motivated not by a genuine or humble desire to thank Johnny Depp for the hours of entertainment that he has brought to their lives, but only so that they could be “cool” in front of their friends. After their brief encounter, I imagine that some would immediately send out a mass text message saying, “I TALKED TO JOHNNY DEPP AT THE DENVER AIRPORT, AND HE WAS SOOOOO COOOOOOL!”

Mind you, this is sheer speculation, but I can certainly see this happening.

The moral of the story is this: He’s just a guy. Just a dude going through the airport trying to chill out, and no amount of “this could be a great story” will make it all right for someone to be a doob. So, next time you see a celebrity (Johnny Depp, for example) in an airport (Denver, for example), just them let do their thing. Don’t be a doob.